Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

 I'm open about my mental health, I want people to understand what it's like for someone living with an eating disorder.  An eating disorder doesn't come in a specific size, someone of 20 stone or 5 stone can have the anorexic voice that screams at them daily that all food is bad, that bullies them into believing they are fat, a failure every time they eat. It can scream at you as you are trying to sleep, making you hate how fat and disgusting you are.....it has you believe....and the sad thing is if you are fat, people say things like well you haven't just realised you are fat....eating disorder thinking and behaviour aren't understood but are even less understood in people with Eating Disorders who are normal or overweight. It isn't the same as a diet gone wrong, or just over indulging......it is the cycle of your head not allowing you to eat, then eating,  then not eating again.... Yet most people with bulimia or other non specified eating disorders are norma...

 Mental health is so unpredictable, borderline personality disorder is definitely unpredictable and stupid things can trigger it. Borderline personality disorder causes highs and lows but with bipolar the highs and lows are caused by chemical imbalances and can be medicated  but with bpd the highs and lows are caused by the environment, circumstances and relationships, not just close relationships. I have long periods of good times and I don't want the short periods of bad times to set me back but it's so hard, I know my lows take me to dark places and it's hard trying to put on a happy front when I'm feeling so emotional and I also get scared where my bad times take me. I think the unpredictability of the pandemic and the lockdowns has affected my mental health, when I joined choir in 2018  I hadn't been socialising with anyone apart from support workers for a couple of years apart from the couple of times a year old friends had been available to meet up, I have a ...

 Today is World suicide prevention day and the theme is "create hope through action". I want to share my story of suicide survival and what it's actually like to be feeling suicidal, what causes me to feel suicidal in the hope it will dispel myths of suicide and help people understand how they can help someone who is suicidal or at risk of suicide. Hopefully by sharing my story (which unfortunately is a familiar story for too many), I can help raise some awareness and understanding and help break the stigma and judgement the topic of suicide and mental health causes. I'm classed as complex by mental health services, I have a diagnosis of personality disorders and often people with or without that diagnosis are classed as attention seeking or manipulative when reaching out for help when feeling suicidal. Often we hear people who are going to commit suicide won't talk about it and if they are they are obviously just after attention, that isn't true. For me I hav...