Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

I was talking to a friend I was in hospital with back in 2015, i won't name them they know who they are obviously but it is their choice to share their story or not. I was in a locked hospital for ladies with personality disorders which basically we were all there as we managed negative emotions with self harm and suicide attempts.  My friend has been in hospital a long time, which as for myself was needed to help us stay alive which I for one am thankful for. My friend is struggling with suicidal and self harm thoughts, but I think if it has been a long term problem we will always have it. Recovery isn't a cure it is "finding a life worth living" despite it. Back in 2015 I never thought I would still be alive in 2020 planning my 40th birthday next year, to be fair i never planned on living past 28 (the year my birth mum died as a result of me being born). Back in 2015 I had staff with me 24 hours a day, in fact this time that year I was in anti ligature clothin...

I'm really struggling at the moment, not had a serious suicidal crisis that I've acted on for about a year and a half and I don't have any suicidal thoughts, but am struggling alot with anxiety, low mood and eating disorder and self harm thoughts (which are different to suicidal ones, self harm happens when your emotions basically explode out I guess is a way to explain it). I used to self harm alot, but over the last couple of years I rarely do apart from at times of stress. I'm trying to find other ways to deal with the situation but feelings can even be boredom, frustration, loneliness, anxiety and depression.  All which are being triggered being stuck in my flat 24 hours a day. I know everyone is in the same boat. I do try write a list daily of a few things I want to do and achieve that day, some days that works other days, especially the says where I haven't slept well the night before, I am literally just doing what I feel like doing, that might be a duvet d...

I'm trying to distract myself as much as I can whilst in lockdown, stuck in my flat 24/7. I've been writing a daily plan, that includes staying in bed for the morning, there have been some days I haven't been able to face the day due to low mood and guilt about wanting to eat so avoiding eating which rationally I always knows makes my mood worse. So I have been writing meal plans like I always do but sometimes I feel guilty eating anything so avoid it but then it gets to a point I'm that hungry I end up bingeing. So having to plan a month food shop is a nightmare, not only am I high risk if I get the virus because I have a heart condition but I also have anxiety so normally do my food shop with a support worker so even if I was going to physically risk going to the shop I wouldn't be able to. So anyway I tried to order my food shop online which is also another nightmare. Even at normal times, online shopping doesn't normally work for me, it sounds really pathe...