Time to talk day 2021 (4th February)The power of small
Today is time to talk day 2021, a campaign run by Mind and Rethink mental health charities to help break the stigma and discrimination of having mental health problems. The theme this year is "the power of small" a small conversation about mental health has the power to make a big difference to people with mental health problems to help end the stigma and discrimination of people with mental health problems.
I am one of those who suffer from mental health problems and I'm not ashamed of it, I think the more open we are about our own mental health, the more it helps other people understand mental health problems and the less stigma and discrimination there will be.
My mental health problems started with anxiety, depression and an eating disorder and some self harm when I was about 12 or probably even younger. I was about 12 when I first made myself sick and restricted what I ate. At 21 i was diagnosed with bulimia and started to self harm regularly to punish myself for eating as well as feeling i wasn't good enough. My eating disorder and self harm escalated and in 2007 I had to have a pacemaker for my heart due to my bulimia causing a hereditary heart condition to get worse and in 2010 I was admitted to an eating disorder clinic for 2 months but I got no therapy and my mental health problems continued to get worse. I worked as a support worker in mental health and learning disabilities as well as teaching horse riding, did an access to nursing course and got accepted to Hull uni to train as a mental health nurse but in 2012 I became suicidal and between 2012 and 2014 I took alot of overdoses and had to stop working. I ended up with heart failure but by then I had obsessive suicidal thoughts and continued to take overdoses. I was admitted to the local mental health ward and was sectioned as I was tying ligatures and self harming any way I could by banging my head on walls and cutting myself with anything I could, even pulled my hair out, and had given up on my life ever getting better and thought I didn't deserve to be alive. I then got sent to a locked hospital in mexborough for ladies with personality disorders where I was sectioned for 10 months and had staff with me 24 hours a day for the first 4 months as I wasn't safe on my own even in a locked hospital but then I got meningococcal septicaemia and pneumonia and my kidneys failed and I was in the high dependency unit at rotherham hospital and I got scared of dying and managed to stop self harming but still was struggling alot with bulimia but was discharged to a mental health rehab back in Grimsby. I relapsed with self harm and overdoses but the staff helped me build my confidence living back in the community and I have since lived in my own flat for 3 years, i have support workers do my medication in a morning as i still don't fully trust myself with medication in my flat as i don't want the opportunity to be able to impulsively overdose, I have support workers help me clean my flat or do my food shop once a week and I have supportive parents on hand but am proud that I haven't taken any overdoses since the end of 2018 and have managed to live on my own for 3 years. Since I left the mental health rehab I qualified as a horse riding instructor, volunteered for Bransby horses rescue and rehab centre on the yard and at their events helping promote the charity on their stand at local events, done a few sponsored swims for charities including Mind the mental health charity, continued to look after my old pony Warwick who has also got me through some dark times, and joined AFO choir and became more positive as I finally felt I fitted in somewhere doing something I love doing and singing helps my mental health so much. I have diagnoses of avoidant personality disorder, a severe form of social anxiety, I also have dependant personality disorder another anxiety based personality disorder which causes anxiety about my own abilities and I also have borderline or emotionally unstable personality disorder which means I struggle with up and down moods and impulsivity triggered by environmental and relationship issues unlike bipolar where the low and high moods are triggered by chemical imbalances. Personality disorders are psychological disorders and I am in therapy to learn to manage situations better without resorting back to self harm or eating disorder behaviours. I have been in therapy a year and have a year of therapy left, I rarely self harm, I still struggle with my eating disorder but am getting better at managing it and am no longer suicidal. Recovery from mental health problems isn't cure it means we become better at managing our symptoms to develop " a life worth living " a phrase used in DBT therapy one of the therapies I have been learning. My mental health problems stem from issues about being adopted and guilt that my birth mum died as a result of me being born (I was born by caesarean and my mum got septicaemia and died from it) and bullying at school meant I always felt I didn't fit in. But mental health problems can happen to anyone they can be genetic, psychological reactions to trauma and stress or chemical imbalances or other physical reasons.
I'm not proud of my mental health problems but I'm also not ashamed and am proud of how far I have improved at managing my mental health problems. I'm 40 this week an age I never thought I would live to at times, my birth mum was 28 when she died so I thought I deserved to die at that age too, there have been times I have been scared I would die and times I wanted to die so I am thankful to be alive and I want to share my story in a positive way to hopefully inspire others that life can get better and that we shouldn't be ashamed to talk openly about mental health.
A small conversation can make a big difference, especially in these strange times, we need to check on each other, a text, a socially distanced walk or a virtual online chat can make all the difference to someones mental health.
It's time to talk time to change.
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