Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

 I go to a group therapy for people with personality disorders predominantly borderline personality disorder which i have traits of ( my mood is up and down triggered by situations rather than chemical unlike bipolar which is caused by chemical imbalances, im impulsive with money and binge eating but that is because of my bulimia, I self harm and become suicidal when in crisis) but when I was diagnosed by a psychologist I scored highest for avoidant personality disorder which is an anxiety based personality disorder which is a severe form of social anxiety.  Its hard explaining to people that when your struggling you are anxious and go quiet, struggle to talk and end up crying when you feel inferior, awkward etc. as obviously you end up quiet and crying ( its great being me...not)I don't live up to my label, my diagnosis explains how I have been my whole life. Avoidant personality disorder is caused by an anxious attachment in early childhood which if left untreated becomes persona

 Was sad to hear how Nikki Graham died from anorexia and had to fundraise to pay for any treatment despite being very unwell with her eating disorder. Apparently her eating disorder started as young as 7 or 8 and so has spent her whole life battling it so did well to achieve all she did as a well liked celebrity and did appear to have some periods of stability. Apparently during lockdown once gyms closed, I read that she got scared of eating if she couldn't exercise it off. Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness yet help is so hard to get and although it shouldn't be, often treatment is offered based on very low BMI which is so wrong. Eating Disorders are mental illnesses, they start long before someone becomes a low weight, Gok Wan was anorexic, he started at 20 stone, lost half his body weight by starving himself but because was then a healthy weight he couldn't get any help in fact he was turned away i read. One person may be a lower end o