Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

I feel like doing a blog update...everyone has heard of anxiety,depression,bipolar and schizophrenia but personality disorders are becoming a more diagnosed condition too. Mostly because they used to be classed as untreatable but now there are specific therapies available...another blog for another day. Personality disorders are conditions in which an individual differs significantly from an average person in terms of how they think, perceive, feel or relate to others. Often if people have heard of personality disorders the most commonly heard of is borderline (bpd) also called emotionally unstable personality disorder. That's because it is the personality disorder that is most impulsive landing people in hospital for self harm or suicide attempts therefore most therapies are for bpd. (Which I do have traits of ). However there are 15 different personality disorders including borderline and the main 2 I have are dependant and avoidant personality disorders.  They are anxious perso

I put suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but the same goes for self harm in a way. In an emotional mind we can act on what at the time seems an unsollvable problem. In the emotional mind a small problem can become a bigger problem. I think even in someone who doesn't have a mental health problem, being upset about one thing spirals into being upset about lots of things and before you know it your rational thinking can go. In someone with borderline or emotionally unstable personality disorder those emotions are heightened so you can go from being ok one minute to self harming and being suicidal triggered by something that can seem trivial to someone else. In the negative mindset I can think everyone else's lives have carried on without me being a significant part of their lives and they wouldn't notice if I wasn't around anymore, but then in a more positive mindset I can think although I dont see anyone on a regular basis I do have things to look fo

Self harm is not something you do for fun, or for attention or to look cool. There are lots of different reasons people self harm and I will go into more detail in another post. I am embarrassed and in some ways ashamed of my scars although I have had supportive people tell me I shouldn't be. There have been some situations I wear them uncovered where there are all adults but in other situations such as where there are kids or where I'm in a position of responsibility such as when I worked as a support worker or when I taught horse riding I felt I needed to cover them. I have worn support bandages sometimes which I have known other people wear too to cover tattoos etc. I also have some prescription camouflage make up which does cover them to an extent. I'm going out to a funfair with my adult nephew and his girlfriend but obviously there will be children there so I have put make up on as it is a hot day. I thought I would make some of my posts a bit informative as I know o

As I have mentioned before I have suffered with my mental health from being very young...however I feel that over the last 5 years it has almost become my identity. Before that I had never been a quitter in life I  general, i have often struggled academically and socially but if I failed something I would just pick myself back up and try again. I guess because I always struggled socially especially when I was a teenager I kept myself busy with hobbies and so I was in the church choir, St John's ambulance cadets and horse riding. I always had a strong work ethic and studied and worked hard.....during college and uni I did factory work and work at a riding school...if I wanted to ride I had to work to pay for it...although I have always been emotionally and practically dependent on my parents I always earned my own money. When my career path with horses didn't work out i did factory work and part time work with horses which started as yard work but then moved on to teaching and a

The definition of therapy is "treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder" or the treatment of psychological or mental disorders by psychological means". There are loads of traditional therapies but today I had the most amazing day unexpectedly going sailing as a therapeutic activity Navigo local mental health services offer to their mental health service users. Whilst doing it I got a chance to steer the sailing boat which was a great distraction and it was a great team bonding exercise. I only started at a group therapeutic community this week and there were 3 of us went from there so it was good talking to them in a relaxed atmosphere getting to know each other and there was also another service user from another service and it was good getting to know her too. It was so relaxing and  peaceful out on the water and it was the first day this week I ate with the other service users and was open with them about my issues without crying...I find it is easier to rati

I wish it was as easy as eat healthy and exercise...ask my family...I could tell you the calories in most items of food...how many calories exercise burns...but there is a voice that tells you how fat and worthless you are and how you don't deserve to eat so you restrict...only allowing yourself x amount of calories a day...the perfect day being one you have had zero...just pure water. Obviously rationally you know you need food to function and we all have a survival instinct so our body and brain rebels meaning restricting leads to bingeing which leads to guilt because you didn't stick to the perfect low calorie diet plan, which leads to purging to get rid of the excess calories. (Generally people think bulimia means making yourself sick, but in fact the word means "hunger of an ox"...which is the hunger caused by restricting and/or emotional eating.Purging is any compensatory behaviour to counteract the binge, that can be vomiting, laxatives, compulsive exercise and

I don't want to be totally negative in my posts so decided today's should be a more positive one. Severe and enduring mental health problems will probably never go but there are things we can do to make it more manageable. The 2 best things I did were buying a horse, Warwick and joining a choir. Music and horses have proven health benefits and I can definitely back that up. I bought Warwick 13 years ago and he is my best friend. Horses are so intuitive to our emotions and being around him does help me keep my emotions more in check when I am around him. If I'm feeling anxious Warwick is anxious and thinks there is something to worry about, I have to remind myself that I have to be confident to give him the confidence. I also find having the responsibility of Warwick makes me try as best as I can to stay well...that doesn't work 100 percent but I am getting better at it in alot of ways. The best thing I did a year ago was join a choir. I actually booked a taster sessio

As long as I can remember I have suffered with feeling sad and feeling not good enough.At 8 years old i would write i hated life. I am adopted and have since found out my birth mum who died as a result of me being born also self harmed and was suicidal and had been sectioned for her mental health...obviously a genetic link and a history that was to repeat itself. So at about 12 years old I was told the little information my adoptive parents had been given about my birth family and although I had known I was adopted this was when I found out the whole information. My birth mum was 28 when she had me and died from septicaemia after I had been born by caesarean section and she died when I was 2 months old and I felt it must have been my fault and she wouldn't have died if I hadn't have been born...I also felt my sister who is 4 years older must have felt the same. So at 12 years old I decided I deserved to be dead by the time I was 28 as that's when my mum had died. From aroun