Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

This week is mental health awareness week 2020 and the topic this year is kindness (it was originally going to be sleep but due to the caronavirus pandemic and consequent lockdown it was thought kindness was more relevant and appropriate than ever). I have shared my own mental health story so much, the only thing I need to mention is I struggle with my own mental health problems and did spend a year sectioned in hospital in 2015 because of being a high risk to myself ( so a similar situation to lockdown in some ways....although mentally I am actually alot stronger to deal with this situation now than I would have been even upto about 2 years ago). Various mental health charities and organisations have been offering advice on how to cope with mental health during lockdown and for mental health awareness week they say Kindness both to ourselves and others are good for positive mental health and thinking back to my own mental health history there has been kindness even from strangers

In my distance learning course I am doing on child and adolescent mental health awareness one of the questions was about the recovery model of mental health care. Recovery doesn't mean cure but being able to live a positive life despite your illness and achieve your goals and aspirations.  There was an example case study where someone with an eating disorder said they didn't choose to have an eating disorder but can choose to fight their fears and challenges with positive goals. That is what I am trying to do, I didn't choose the anorexic/ bulimic voice that appeared in my head when I was about 12, that tells you that you are fat and useless and don't deserve to eat etc. From the age of 21 until about a year ago I had severe bulimia, days of not eating, days of being sick numerous times a day every time I ate, even being told I would die if I didn't have a pacemaker didn't stop me and when I had heart failure and was attached to a portable heart monitor I was

If I had a broken arm people would see I had a broken arm, usually a broken arm heals and you are better. Unfortunately the brain isn't as simple no one can see what is going on in anyone elses mind and the brain and it's psychology is so complicated and unique to each person. The physiology of people is generally the same, obviously there can be genetic abnormalities but the bones and organs are generally the same. Mental health though is determined by so many factors, genetics, life experiences good and bad and these experiences can lead to certain mental illnesses and disorders. I often say I have anxiety but I actually have anxiety based personality disorders. Avoidant personality disorder is a severe form of social anxiety where you have very low self esteem, feel not good enough and so avoid work and social activities for fear of failure and feeling embarrassed. Adults with avoidant personality disorder were usually very quiet and shy and withdrawn as children. At school