Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

I can't believe we're nearly at the end of 2022, on my down days I often forget the good days and what I have achieved this year and what goals I have for the future.  In 2019 I started what was meant to be a 2 year, 3 day a week group therapy for people with personality disorders. At the time I was heavily supported by mental health workers. I relied on them coming to my flat daily to get my meds out of a safe as I was a high risk of impulsively overdosing on them without any skills to manage it, support workers helped me do my food shopping as it makes me really anxious due to having eating disorders, they helped me clean my flat as I often struggled to keep on top of it due to physical and mental health and my main social life was with paid support workers due to social anxiety and my old friends lives being busy and carrying on without me in them when I was in and out of hospital for the best part of 10 years so when I started the group therapy, one of my goals was to be mo

 Why do we all value ourselves on our weight like its the most important thing, people praise weight loss however it is achieved, in society and even Dr's etc. When I was a lower weight it was maintained with severe bulimia yet people would tell me I looked good and Dr's would say I was healthy. Since I've gained weight even my heart consultant blamed being out of breath after covid as being due to gaining weight despite having the same problem after losing 2 and a half stone. When I gained weight after being in an eating disorder clinic due to trying to recover from my bulimia but ending up in a cycle of restricting and bingeing I even had co worker ask me if I was pregnant as I had gained so much weight and even when I said no I definitely wasn't she kept saying it too. I was only a size 12 to 14 then, it was a few years later when I developed heart failure, I got water retention and then I was also put on an antidepressant called mirtazapine which is known to cause w