Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

 Sometimes the only thing we have to fear is ourselves. I went so long without taking any overdoses or self harming in anyway but recently I've been struggling alot with my eating disorder and that leads to more self destructive thoughts that I deserve to hurt myself etc. I ended up taking a paracetamol overdose after my thoughts took over. I'm always open in my blog because mental health is so misunderstood, I'm misunderstood. I would rather be healthy and happy not spending nights in a and e and following days scared I might die. At the time my thoughts are I deserve to hurt myself or die but my rational self doesn't want to. I have my furbabies Warwick, Arthur and Rocky who need me as well a my parents I love and care about as well as friends who care about me and vice versa. It scares me how things can turn so quickly I was teaching at the riding school only a few hours before. I started struggling with my mood when I was with my horse Warwick and knew I was just ti

I'm always open about my long battle with eating disorders and tried an actual conventional commercial diet last year I'm actually normally anti diet industry as its an industry that cashes in on societies stereotypical idea of what we should look like and doesn't necessarily consider health.  As a society weight loss is praised however it is achieved and as I'm overweight I need to lose weight. But eating disorder therapy told me to eat 3 meals 3 snacks, don't weigh yourself and don't count calories and your body will find its own "set point weight", the weight it is naturally healthy at. This goes against other medical professionals idea that we have to fit into a certain bmi range to be healthy as someone's healthy set point weight could be higher than that bmi range and also would mean having to accept myself whatever weight which I find impossible to do. The diet I was doing kept showing up on my Facebook page. I had been struggling with my ea