Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

I've always worried what people think of me and wanted and needed to fit in, but I've  learnt in this life the only people I can rely on is myself and my parents and I do try to be self sufficient, I live on my own so not totally dependent on other people and the only people I have ever been dependent on are my parents and mental health workers otherwise I just try to be friendly to people, if they're friendly and talk back its nice if not someone else will.  It is nice to have human company obviously, non of us are an island but I have my furbabies and I try to get on with most people, life is too short to be bitter with people, all you can ever be is yourself.  I've never been good at friendships or relationships so I always focused on work, I know I can be a numpty and take alot to learn stuff or when I'm anxious end up crying but I always try my best and I do genuinely care and put 100 percent into anything I do. I've been down lately, I started volunteering

 I would like to say sorry for being so negative lately, mental health can be unpredictable sometimes, nowadays I have more resilience than I used to, I have too much to lose by giving into it. A while ago I bought a diary that said "big dreams", but then I don't know what my big dreams are. I'm hoping to go on tour with choir next year, and that is a big motivation to stay well and be able to do the part time work I do as a carer. I've had a month off due to having a new pacemaker and sadly the lady I volunteer befriending died so I think obviously I'm really sad about the lady and work gives me some purpose so I'm looking forward to getting back to work this week. I've also been asked by the befriending charity I volunteer for to visit another man which will be nice and I have to try think of the positives of the time I had with the lady, she got to enjoy a 90th birthday party in the summer in her garden and her family say she enjoyed her time with m