Reflecting on 2021 choir year....its been a good one despite the pandemic we have achieved alot

 My blog is about mental health but joining choir has been a big part in helping me manage my mental health better in alot of ways. Choir has helped my confidence improve massively just by being around friendly supportive friends who believe in me and we support each other. Choir also gives me a purpose, a reason to not act on self destructive thoughts relating to my eating and personality disorders, i'm open in this blog so I admit those thoughts never go away but I can now have the thoughts and not act on them. I still have down days where I stay in bed or end up crying but I have been struggling with my physical health and fatigue since I had covid last year too. I still struggle with my eating disorder and am due to start therapy next year but I can manage it enough to make sure I eat regularly if I'm driving or anything like choir gigs or teaching horse riding, days I'm struggling eating I take soya milkshakes because I keep feeling faint which I never used to do.

It's been a strange couple of years, since joining choir in 2018 I haven't taken any overdoses and have challenged myself with my anxiety and it has been thanks to everyone's support at choir. Who would have thought lockdown on zoom would be where I found my confidence. When choir first went on zoom in March 2020 for what we thought would originally be a couple of weeks, I didn't like it, I was nervous to turn my camera on and talk to everyone but as time went on we had choir social nights which started with a live karaoke night in summer 2020 where we were all nervous, I daren't sing with my camera on to start with and had to drink half a bottle of vodka to have the courage to sing in front of anyone. At Christmas last year we had a talent night on zoom where we sent pre recorded videos in to share with everyone on zoom and then at the beginning of 2021 we had those performance nights regularly, my earlier videos I had done I hadn't even dared look at the camera but as time went on and with everyone's encouragement I grew in confidence and even I admit my videos got better ( I'm normally someone who puts myself down so am trying to recognise achievements and be proud of them).

In May we got back to being able to sing together outdoors in car parks, I had to challenge myself to drive to get to Hull, Beverley,  Market weighton and driffield for the outdoor sings which weren't local every week, we had a couple in Cleethorpes but they were spread out across all the choir regions. For a few years I hadn't driven far as had lost my confidence driving after having a break from driving due to my mental health and not having a car so I relied on my parents alot to get about and then only drove local. I got lost a few times trying to find my way to outdoor sings and choir gigs or got stuck in diversions and had to be rescued but I'm proud I have done it and haven't missed any choir gigs this year. I have made friends across all the choirs too so being able to drive over the bridge means I get to sing with other friends too.

At one of the first outdoor gigs I did my first solo at choir, it wasn't great, I used my lyrics and wasn't sure where to come in on the song but I am proud I did it and continued to practice it at other outdoor rehearsals and then at our last sing before the summer holidays which was meant to have been a gig signposting people to mental health support but the actual event was cancelled so we sung at the doorway to princes quay shopping centre and I did the solo alot better than the first one I did. My goal is to be able to do a solo at a proper gig and I think eventually I might be good enough. At the end of terms at Christmas we do karaoke and before lockdown I had had 2 Christmases at choir where I definitely wouldn't have dared sing on karaoke in front of choir but this year I sung on karaoke at 3 choirs as I wanted to go to the party weeks at the 3 choirs I go to the most and as the week went on I felt more confident,  I would never have thought I would be able to sing in front of everyone at choir, when I was younger in the church choir I did a couple of solos and I was always too nervous so it didn't go well so I'm proud that at 40 I'm finally finding my confidence, it's only took 40 years but I am ridiculously shy and nervous in life in general I often struggle even talking in front of people on my worst days.

Despite the uncertainty of this year we have had a near normal Christmas period at choir and done lots of gigs. Before lockdown I only went to gigs that weren't local if I could go with someone else, but this year I challenged myself to get myself there and have done 10 gigs including one where I was part of a group chosen to go on a stage due to limited space, im normally rubbish at dance moves so was nervous as some of the songs had dance moves, I even messaged the choir leader to say I didn't think I would be good enough but was reassured I wouldn't have been asked if they didn't think I could and since then have helped a couple of friends learn the dance moves ( they obviously aren't complicated dance moves but I literally have no co ordination due to being dyspraxic).

I'm so thankful we got to enjoy some normal gigs, we had our last one last night, it was touch and go wether I would make it, I felt ill with side effects from the covid booster jab, the car windscreen wiper broke and then then there was a road closure but my mum and a choir friend between them got me there and back, and it was a lovely charity gig in a church. I am tired now but doing all the gigs gave me something positive to focus on and our choir leaders have done an amazing job keeping our choir going Despite difficult times. I'm thankful i have supportive choir leaders, friends and family and am so grateful of everyone's support.  Looking forward to a couple of restful weeks from therapy and choir, I'm teaching a couple of days at the riding school which I enjoy doing and hope 2022 going to be a positive year for us ❤

































Having added pictures it's been a surreal year for my 40th year and as a choir year, we started the year with choir zoom, we had zoom performance nights, social nights singing karaoke,  scavenger hunts and quizes, group exercise over zoom, I had a zoom 40th party over zoom as we were in lockdown which I was grateful for as made my 40th special in difficult circumstances,  we sung in car parks, school playgrounds and dock stage. I sung my first solo at dock stage, we did gigs in the summer at market weighton big sing, Thwaite Gardens gig, we learnt to dance with someone off strictly come dancing at a small gig somewhere near York then after the summer holidays we got to sing with Paul Carrick at bonus arena, and then had lots of Christmas gigs in Hull,  Beverley, Grimsby,  Market weighton, driffield and Gilberdyke and have sung with star wars characters, met donkeys and alpacas and sung under a moon and had a Christmas concert and had a great year, let's hope 2022 stays positive ❤

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