New blog post update

 It's Saturday evening,  I'm home alone as too often usual, I'm bored and my parents are away for the weekend for my aunties birthday, im pleased they are enjoying a weekend away but I always worry about them when I don't talk to them which sounds stupid but it's my anxiety. 

I've been feeling low for a few weeks, I mask it when I'm out and try put on a happy front and throw myself into positive things like choir and teaching horse riding trying to make myself feel useful and do enjoy it too, but about 5 weeks ago i got suspended from the group therapy I go to for some minor self harm ( there is a rule of suspension if you self harm there even if you dissociate and lose control at the time), as it was I had asked for some time off as I have been struggling alot with my physical health and feeling constantly tired which makes my mood low I had 2 restful weeks, then had a really good week teaching at the stables in half term then went back to the group therapy. 

I think a month is a long time to be away as everyone else continued therapy together, I struggle in groups at the best of times, there's always going to be disagreements in groups and when I'm struggling I go quiet and cry and often feel my issues are trivial compared to other people so I don't say anything as I feel stupid and don't want to upset other people with what I say but then no one knows what your struggling with and also it's not an eating disorder group I'm still waiting to hear when that is due to start and I have managed to not let my self harm or suicidal thoughts take over, it's hard and I'm trying to hang onto the positives. I am due to start eating disorder therapy soon, we have choir gigs coming up for Christmas my favourite time of year, I've been doing some teaching,  I've seen friends and still have my furbabies Warwick,  Arthur and Alfred.

Sometimes you have to pull yourself up by your boot straps and give yourself a talking to, I have a confidence crisis every day but I get through every day and challenge myself.  Today I've not felt physically well so have been in bed all day but tomorrow is a new day and feel it's going to be a good one. Photos are positive recent times....

















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