Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

 This week is eating disorder awareness week but today is also self harm awareness day too, a day to help raise awareness, understanding and empathy around self harm. Self harm and eating disorders are both misunderstood and stigmatized and I write my blog posts to hopefully help raise awareness and understanding from my own perspective of someone who has suffered from both eating disorders and self harm and made suicide attempts (which are different to self harm but there is a big overlap and people who self harm are at higher risk of attempting suicide). As I have said before I'm not proud of my mental health problems but I'm also not ashamed and am proud of how far I have come on my recovery journey.  For me my mental health problems began with eating disorders and I tried self harming once as a teenager but it became a problem in my 20s after years of struggling with my eating disorders, anxiety and depression. The first time I self harmed "properly " I was maybe ...

 This week is eating disorders awareness week, a cause I am passionate about as there is so much lack of understanding and support for people with all eating disorders. NHS eating disorder services have such strict criteria that so many people fall through the net, too high functioning for help, to complex for help, have other diagnoses of personality disorders, not a low enough bmi, not the right eating disorder...some services only treat low weight anorexia and even then it is often refeeding without any headwork to deal with the underlying psychological causes. I have lost friends to eating disorders and know of far too many others who have begged for help but told they were too complex or there were no  beds available for treatment.  This years theme for eating disorders awareness week is about creating a future where people with binge eating disorder are treated with compassion and understanding.  As I have often been open about, my eating disorder began when I ...

 Today is time to talk day 2021, a campaign run by Mind and Rethink mental health charities to help break the stigma and discrimination of having mental health problems. The theme this year is "the power of small" a small conversation about mental health has the power to make a big difference to people with mental health problems to help end the stigma and discrimination of people with mental health problems.  1 in 4 people suffer from a mental health problem in their  lives from mild to moderate anxiety and depression, eating disorders and more severe and enduring mental health problems such as bipolar, schizophrenia and personality disorders, and 90 % of people with mental health problems feel they are discriminated against because of their mental health problems.  I am one of those who suffer from mental health problems and I'm not ashamed of it, I think the more open we are about our own mental health, the more it helps other people understand mental health probl...

 I've been doing an employability and resilience course run by local mental health services for the last 3 weeks. Work used to be my identity, I've always been anxious socially so only have had a few close friends and although I got on with most people I worked with I rarely socialised outside of work apart from with the few friends I knew I could trust so work was my life but I didn't have much independence apart from work and looking after Warwick my horse and I still lived with my parents until I got admitted to the mental health ward in 2015. ( apart from living in halls at uni and working in Lancashire at a horse rescue centre  for 6 months when I finished uni and that's when my severe bulimia began when I was 21...) As I have mentioned before my mental health problems started when I was about 12 probably even earlier I had social anxiety and depression and an eating disorder and it all tied in with feeling I wasn't good enough and didn't fit in. So I am pr...

 Sorry this is a negative post but being honest where I am at. Recovery from any mental illness is never a straight road there are always hurdles and recovery doesn't mean cured just means better at dealing with.  For me at my worst I get suicidal and self harm to deal with my eating disorder and apart from some minor self harm which hasn't been recently, I haven't taken an overdose since the end of 2018 and I am proud of that achievement.  I am alot happier since then as have had choir and  supportive friends at choir but the rest of my life still isn't where I would have wanted it to be at nearly 40....and lockdown hasn't helped it. I've been eternally single and tbh I would do anyones head in to be in a relationship with anyone...I do my own head in...I don't think u can expect anyone else to like u if u don't like yourself and I'm getting better at it but not there yet. I didn't achieve doing my nursing and haven't even worked for 7 years...

  I had mental health problems from being young, was depressed and saying I hated life when I was about 8 and had an eating disorder by 12. I'm not saying this for sympathy but understanding. I could have used my mental health as an excuse to not go to school or work etc. ( some people can't go to school or work but some do also opt out early on..we all have different barriers...this is just about me.) But I was driven to try to achieve, socially I always felt I didn't fit in, I couldn't control how people who bullied me treat me, I couldn't make people be my friend but I could work hard. From being about 12 I wanted to be a nurse so I joined st John's ambulance cadets and volunteered on first aid duties most weekends from the age of 12 to 18, I was also in the church choir and sang at weddings from the age of 9 to 18 or 19 when I went to uni and I horse rode and looking  forward to riding my favourite horses once a week throughout school got me through how depr...

 This week is suicide awareness week.  It's a topic close to my heart as I'm proud to say I'm a survivor. Unfortunately too many people aren't as lucky. Suicide is a taboo subject but we need to talk about it to be able to prevent so many avoidable suicides.  I've struggled with my mental health since I was a child, anxiety, depression and eating disorders which I struggled to get professional help for for years. At 21 I had severe bulimia and despite asking for help for years, never got specific help getting sent away from services...either too high functioning or too complex once I was self harming (which is different to suicide although people who self harm become higher risk of committing suicide). After 10 years of struggling with my bulimia, I needed a pacemaker for my heart as it had made a hereditary heart condition worse but I wasn't suicidal at that time (although I had always said I thought I had deserved to die at 28, the age my birth mum was when sh...