Life is a journey not a destination so .....my story isn't over yet;...me

 I write my blog to record my journey and "tell my story" . I'm often told I shouldn't be open on Facebook etc. but I feel at my worst times with my mental health I was very open in often a negative way ( because I was very mentally unwell at the time) but I now share my journey and the positives and hopefully coming out the other side so to speak and I'm not ashamed of my mental health problems anymore than I am physical health problems, I want to raise awareness and help break the stigma and hopefully give hope to others who have been where I have been. I have been left with the scars of the last few years and physical health problems as a consequence but I'm trying not to be ashamed of them and see them as a reminder of where I have been and how far I have come on my journey since then. This week 6 years ago I got sent to a locked hospital in Mexborough for ladies with personality disorders because of the severity of my self harm and suicide attempts, the l...

 I write so many of my blog posts on mental health awareness and my mental health journey but tonight I'm feeling so positive, 2 and a half years ago I never thought what I'm achieving now would ever have been possible. I have a diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder, a mental condition that causes extreme shyness, inadequacy, sensitivity to rejection and an inferiority complex. It is called avoidant personality disorder as basically you avoid all situations that cause you to be anxious, or run away from them...most social situations I've always struggled and avpd is a severe type of social anxiety, so I'm proud of how much I challenge myself and "feel the fear and do it anyway" and hope one day I will be the confident person I want to be. Before joining choir 2 and a half years ago I barely went anywhere on my own apart from to the stables to see Warwick and some volunteering at events for bransby horses at their events. (in 2015 I was in hospital for a y...

May is Borderline personality disorder awareness month so thought would write a post about what it is like to live with Borderline personality disorder.  Although it isn't my main diagnosis I do have Borderline personality disorder (as well as dependent and avoidant personality disorder). I also have bulimia, eating disorders is how my mental health problems began when I was about 12 or even before....people don't fit in boxes so no 2 people with bpd are the same. A misconception about bpd is people with bpd are attention seeking and manipulative and untreatable so often services won't treat people who they class as too complex and sadly 10 percent of people with bpd die by suicide.  Personality disorders are caused by attachment issues in early childhood, mine were caused by being adopted after my birth mum died. I've always had anxious attachments since childhood scared of people leaving and dying still my biggest fear but in my case my avoidant personality disorder m...

 I go to a group therapy for people with personality disorders predominantly borderline personality disorder which i have traits of ( my mood is up and down triggered by situations rather than chemical unlike bipolar which is caused by chemical imbalances, im impulsive with money and binge eating but that is because of my bulimia, I self harm and become suicidal when in crisis) but when I was diagnosed by a psychologist I scored highest for avoidant personality disorder which is an anxiety based personality disorder which is a severe form of social anxiety.  Its hard explaining to people that when your struggling you are anxious and go quiet, struggle to talk and end up crying when you feel inferior, awkward etc. as obviously you end up quiet and crying ( its great being me...not)I don't live up to my label, my diagnosis explains how I have been my whole life. Avoidant personality disorder is caused by an anxious attachment in early childhood which if left untreated becomes pe...

 Was sad to hear how Nikki Graham died from anorexia and had to fundraise to pay for any treatment despite being very unwell with her eating disorder. Apparently her eating disorder started as young as 7 or 8 and so has spent her whole life battling it so did well to achieve all she did as a well liked celebrity and did appear to have some periods of stability. Apparently during lockdown once gyms closed, I read that she got scared of eating if she couldn't exercise it off. Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness yet help is so hard to get and although it shouldn't be, often treatment is offered based on very low BMI which is so wrong. Eating Disorders are mental illnesses, they start long before someone becomes a low weight, Gok Wan was anorexic, he started at 20 stone, lost half his body weight by starving himself but because was then a healthy weight he couldn't get any help in fact he was turned away i read. One person may be a lower end o...